Newly Single Dating Blog

The companion site to

Newly Single Dating Blog - The companion site to

#dating #love #relationships #datingetiquette

How many dates should you have with him before you decide the time has come to sleep with him?
Is there an unwritten 3-date or 5-date rule to hold out for?

At what point when you’re seeing him regularly, does dating become a relationship?

When do you both agree to come off the dating site?
What happens it one comes off and you find that the other has stayed on…

I would love to know the answers to these online dating dilemmas

#dating #singlewomen #sex & the single man

Another week
a new online date.

This time I met a man, 20 years older than me, who I have to admit was not unattractive and did look young for his age.
Although I do constantly wonder why British men don’t look after their teeth?
Don’t they care?
We agreed to only meet initially for a quick coffee and within the first 5 minutes the conversation had turned to his recent online dating life.

After hearing about his dating life, around 30 dates in the last couple of months which seemed rather a lot to me…..leaving your options open?
It seems that most of the single women he had met are way naughtier and promiscuous, than single men nowadays, especially those women in the age 50+ age group.

He told me that all of his recent dates had been very keen to progress the date further, telling him that they would love to see him again and not just schedule him in, but schedule him in around the current lovers they were already seeing. Moreover one of the women told him she held swingers’ parties in Mayfair, whilst the other women it seemed were, let’s say, very busy and satisfied- thank you!

Well I’m no prude, but frankly I was shocked by the apparent behaviour of these women.  This 72 year old man was neither super-rich (he didn’t actually even buy me a coffee on our fleeting meeting) nor super-good looking but nevertheless had been regularly propositioned.
Not by me.

Times have obviously changed.
It’s the women who have become the hunters.
The poor chaps haven’t got a chance! And this isn’t just confined to dating online dating.

#dating #datingadvice #singlewomen #datingin1936

Dating 1936-style

I am old enough to still own books and among my collection is a vintage book on dating.

“Live Alone and Like It”, by Marjorie Hillis (1889-1971)  An American who was Vogue assistant editor.

Her book was published in 1936, causing a media sensation
“Sophisticated Miss Hillis honestly believes there are advantages in a husbandless state!” gasped one critic – with its shocking concept of the possibility of a cheerful single life.

In fact, Miss Hillis
(daren’t use her first name as we haven’t been formally introduced)
was not promoting being single rather than married
but showing how we can all be positive in our singledom.
A topical subject now in 2014.

This book was written 20 years after the 1st World War, a period in which an entire generation of men were lost, who, by 1936, should have been in their 30s and 40s.
Their widows had little choice than to live alone, as there were so few men left.

At that time, while sexual frustration was acknowledged it was not openly discussed.  So not quite the same as now!

The chapter “Will You or Won’t You?” discusses the delicate subject of love affairs.
“Whether or not a woman has had her Moments,” advises Miss H. “If she has a grain of common sense she keeps it to herself since if she has, most people would be shocked and if she hasn’t, the rest would be superior.”

Actually, keeping an air of mystery would be a welcome change after our daily tabloid kiss and tells.

She continues, “Every woman needs friends who drop in for tea or cocktails or supper; friends with whom to share expeditions, to pour out enthusiasms and troubles and show off her new hats and old admirers”.
Now, we do all that too, more graphically…

If you are concerned about etiquette and entertaining, Miss Hillis is extremely helpful.
How do you get a man friend to leave at the correct time?
First decide whether you want him gone for good or merely for now.
If the latter, a tactful “Let me get you a glass of water, it’s hours since you had that whisky” should do the trick. The idea is for both parties to stand up and said guest will then take his leave.
Would this work today? Doubt it!

Miss H continues, Is it permissible for an un-chaperoned single woman to wear pyjamas when a gentleman calls?
“Lounging pyjamas which resemble sleepwear are suitable only for feminine guests whereas hostess pyjamas would not shock a bishop.”
Memo to self: get some elegant bias-cut satin pyjamas for entertaining the local vicar – penguin-printed fleece onesie definite no-no.

Marjorie Hillis encouraged “bachelor girls” to treat being single positively.

“You will have nobody to make a fuss over you when you are tired, but you will also have nobody to expect you to make a fuss over him, when you are tired”.
Now thats still true today

A year after this book was published, aged 48,
(her readers felt she had betrayed them!)
she found herself a widower to marry .

“Be interested and you’ll be interesting” may just catch you that man…

#dating #datingwhenolder #50+dating #datingsecondtimearound

Dating has changed so much in the last 30-40 years
Then: A date was requested by a proper phone call and real life conversation
Now: A date is suggested by text and often with no real life conversation

Then: A date would always be paid for by the man
Now: The man may have had much of his money given by the Divorce Courts to the last ex-wife or two and therefore he may be grateful to share the bill.

Then: we generally dated someone around our own age group. The thought of a 20/30 year old dating a 50/60 year old man would never have crossed our minds as it would have been like dating our dads. 50 was old then. Not cool!
Now: Men of 50 or 60 mostly want to date 20, 30, 40 year old girls. Rarely women of their own age. These younger women seem happy to oblige, especially if the man has money, well nothing has really changed there then!

Then: We found our single men organically, and people stayed married for more than a nano-second, even if the relationship wasn’t perfect.
Now: we find our dates online, window-shopping with a tick-list of requirements whilst relationships and marriage are transient.
Relationship not working? On to the next.

Then: It was really mostly younger people who dated. The 40 plus stayed married unless they were bereaved.
Now: Dating is for all ages, as so many women (not just the men) have initiated to end their marriages. And it’s just as difficult for the younger girls as us older single women to find a good man as they’ve all been snapped up quicker than you can text, email or tweet “Hi, want a date?!”
A dating site for people just like you, dating second time around

#dating #meetingthefamily

Dating, texting and meeting the family

Years ago, well about 40 years ago, one of my friends was invited to Sunday tea with her boyfriend’s family. In those days, this was a significant stage in the progress of a relationship so, on best chatty meet-the-family-behaviour, she decided to admire the china. A foot-in-mouth moment unfortunately.

“What a pretty tea set, its just like my Granny’s. Did you get yours with Green Shield stamps too” ( For those not old enough to remember what Green Shield stamps are- they are equivalent to saving up with your Tesco club card points)
Turned out the china was actually an antique bone china family heirloom… so this was not an auspicious introduction into the family bosom.

In this same period, the 70’s, when someone wanted to take me out for a date, they had to phone and get past my Dad who always managed to get to the phone first. He was a bit like the keeper of the prison jail keys.
With no mobile phones then, dating on the sly with anyone remotely unsuitable was much more of a problem, especially with mobiles and texting not available for another 30 years.  It sounds like the dark ages doesn’t it?

If you’re in the same age group as me, nearly 50, the meeting of your boyfriend’s parents has now been replaced with the meeting of his grown-up children (from his previous marriage). This is way more traumatic than mistaking antique china for give-away china.
And at what point in the relationship do you decide the time is right to meet the children?  And there’s of course the making sure you say the right things to them. Awkward…

When meeting the family, in Puritan New England, sweethearts were very strictly chaperoned, often by a watchful grandmother seated between them.
With no mobile phones to help their private communication, The Courting stick came into play.
The courting stick was a wooden tube, 6 or 8 feet long, through which the lovers could talk to each other privately. Apparently the tube could be passed in front of or behind Granny – which enabled romantic conversation.

Now this could solve a lot of problems…
twitter @datingwhenolder